The Wedding vs The Marriage

I growing up dreamed of being a wife and a mother, just like my mother. More importantly I dreamt often of the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I didn't really dream of the wedding, it was always the marriage that I longed for. I knew that I was cut out for a life of being a wife, mother, and still be a career driven woman. I want it all.

Being raised in a family where marriage, love, and community are at the heart has always had a huge impact on how I view and approach life. I think that most women if they do think of the "marriage" they are thinking about the wedding. It is every girls big day, she is the center of attention. I had never really thought of it in detail until I got engaged to my husband now Erik. I instead always dreamed of what was to come, the ability to provide as a woman, raising a home where peace and love were felt in the environment. I wanted that home that radiated the Father's love. Why? He often speaks of His love for us. He created marriage. The marriage and the wedding symbolize what God did for the church.

I love weddings, it is the most wonderful celebration. I love the joy, the excitement, and the presence of God that is involved with them. I love watching wedding shows, all of them. I especially love David Tutera's show. The gift he gives each of these brides he helps is just always astounding. The show honestly never ceases to make choke up just a bit, at the joy he presents to these women. But what I always wonder is how does the marriage go? After the day of magic what happens? I know my fairy tale has taken it's toll.

I believe that it always takes longer for a woman to adjust to the life of being married then the man. I mean biblically speaking it says that the man leaves his parents to cleave to his wife. It never once says anything about the woman. I totally think that a marriage is just two people. But that separate from mother and father to husband takes time. It is a sweet process. When your husband continues to woo you beyond the wedding day and every day shows and lays down his life for you it brings you to a place of ultimate love for that person. And they become your first love not your parents. Now, some don't have great parents, I did, I don't know what it is life for the other spectrum, but for me it is a tough struggle of a transition.

My transition has come to a halt, as I have said that my fairy tale has been a bit rocky. How do you handle the struggles of a marriage? Well, I have learned this quickly no battle is worth being right over and that no matter what the only person that I can improve is me. I focus only on improving me, I never try and make my husband improve himself. He has to choose to want to change and create a new "normal" with me. We all have different normals, different ways of how we live life. We are individuals. In order to have a healthy successful marriage you must constantly work towards creating a normal of peace, love, and grace. Otherwise everything else will fail. Satan is there to destroy this beautiful thing between two people.

I believe in marriage, not the wedding. However, I also love the wedding. The beauty and joy of the celebration is worth all the time and effort, even if David Tutera didn't do my wedding, it was gorgeous. What I want is that love that is strong, powerful, and healthy where I can raise my family in an environment even my step son whom I look at as my own flesh and blood. I don't really like the term step child. I want that family that leaves a legacy for God to be proud of. I don't know who doesn't. What's more important is helping the couples understand the importance of the marriage, and to recognize that it's more important to change you than the other person. Always fight for the other person to come out on top, and you can't really go wrong.