The Wedding vs The Marriage

I growing up dreamed of being a wife and a mother, just like my mother. More importantly I dreamt often of the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I didn't really dream of the wedding, it was always the marriage that I longed for. I knew that I was cut out for a life of being a wife, mother, and still be a career driven woman. I want it all.

Being raised in a family where marriage, love, and community are at the heart has always had a huge impact on how I view and approach life. I think that most women if they do think of the "marriage" they are thinking about the wedding. It is every girls big day, she is the center of attention. I had never really thought of it in detail until I got engaged to my husband now Erik. I instead always dreamed of what was to come, the ability to provide as a woman, raising a home where peace and love were felt in the environment. I wanted that home that radiated the Father's love. Why? He often speaks of His love for us. He created marriage. The marriage and the wedding symbolize what God did for the church.

I love weddings, it is the most wonderful celebration. I love the joy, the excitement, and the presence of God that is involved with them. I love watching wedding shows, all of them. I especially love David Tutera's show. The gift he gives each of these brides he helps is just always astounding. The show honestly never ceases to make choke up just a bit, at the joy he presents to these women. But what I always wonder is how does the marriage go? After the day of magic what happens? I know my fairy tale has taken it's toll.

I believe that it always takes longer for a woman to adjust to the life of being married then the man. I mean biblically speaking it says that the man leaves his parents to cleave to his wife. It never once says anything about the woman. I totally think that a marriage is just two people. But that separate from mother and father to husband takes time. It is a sweet process. When your husband continues to woo you beyond the wedding day and every day shows and lays down his life for you it brings you to a place of ultimate love for that person. And they become your first love not your parents. Now, some don't have great parents, I did, I don't know what it is life for the other spectrum, but for me it is a tough struggle of a transition.

My transition has come to a halt, as I have said that my fairy tale has been a bit rocky. How do you handle the struggles of a marriage? Well, I have learned this quickly no battle is worth being right over and that no matter what the only person that I can improve is me. I focus only on improving me, I never try and make my husband improve himself. He has to choose to want to change and create a new "normal" with me. We all have different normals, different ways of how we live life. We are individuals. In order to have a healthy successful marriage you must constantly work towards creating a normal of peace, love, and grace. Otherwise everything else will fail. Satan is there to destroy this beautiful thing between two people.

I believe in marriage, not the wedding. However, I also love the wedding. The beauty and joy of the celebration is worth all the time and effort, even if David Tutera didn't do my wedding, it was gorgeous. What I want is that love that is strong, powerful, and healthy where I can raise my family in an environment even my step son whom I look at as my own flesh and blood. I don't really like the term step child. I want that family that leaves a legacy for God to be proud of. I don't know who doesn't. What's more important is helping the couples understand the importance of the marriage, and to recognize that it's more important to change you than the other person. Always fight for the other person to come out on top, and you can't really go wrong.

Unstoppable Love

The bible says that it is His kindness that brings us to repentance. No amount of bible verses, religious jargon, or saying that we need to repent will bring us to His feet. It is Holy Spirit in us. It is never us, but He who abides in us that draws people with the kindness we exude. Do you exude a spirit of kindness, humility, and love? I hope with every fiber that you do.

I have been listening to a song called 'Unstoppable Love' by Kim Walker-Smith and her husband Skylar Smith. She in the song sings this "God you pursue me with power and glory, unstoppable love that never ends. You're unrelenting with passion and mercy unstoppable love that never ends." It brings tears to my eyes, it penetrates my very being. His love is so overwhelming. He says to us, "My love you're worth it all." If you don't believe that go to what the bible tells us. He died and suffered on a cross and gave up everything so that we may live and know God. That sacrifice made it possible for us to live. I never want to be separated from a love that great. It is the greatest love story ever told. We can not stop His love, He will pursue you.

This past weekend has been the hardest weekend of my life. I went to a counseling session with my husband Sunday evening. I left with my mother to give me a ride home. I sat there telling her what had transpired, and all I could do was sit there. I was not distressed, in fear, or worried. I instead was abiding in His love. I wept for my husband, that he too would experience this perfect love. I wept for his soul, that he would be caught up in what God has ready for him. I know the plans for my husband are great, that his calling on this earth is amazing. But if we do not walk in who God has created us to be, it is very hard to live that out. I believe that you can not love another until you first love yourself. I recently began loving myself as God sees me. I do not know how I came to do that, but instead of focusing on my weight, appearance, or what others said about who I was my perspective shifted. It made a 180. I saw myself as courageous, exuberant, strong, and all around amazing. I have God's DNA intertwined with mine, that means that I reflect the Father when I walk in His covering. I made that conscious choice sixteen days ago, that I was no longer satisfied with a mediocre life. I want more, I crave more from this life and I will stop at nothing till it is mine.

I started writing this blog shortly after being married, and I write words that wage war on the devil. I have been attacked ever since. I believe that my words will resonate with people, and they will begin to seek out the truth. I believe that my words are making a difference, because not only am I speaking them, practicing them, but writing them. They are forever manifested on this earth, and I am winning this war with Satan. I will not fall out of the grace and favor God has me under. I love favor even it's definition is beautiful, it is bestowing on someone kindness above and beyond what is due to that person. If you choose to operate out of a mindset of favor from God, you will notice changes around you immediately. You have the power to shift the hearts around you and change their perspectives by the light you bring into that room or house. 

I want to end on this verse, Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Go in peace, and knowing that you will never be without His unstoppable love.

Sovereign, not in Control

Sovereignty, it is a tricky thing. Do you believe God is sovereign? I do. Do you believe God is control? I do not. I believe this: That if we are created in His image that we have free will. That God is pro-choice. He did not create us to make us his puppets, he created us to choose Him and live a life seeking Him. He is love and therefore craves love and relationship with His most valued creation, us.

I will admit, I am exhausted and have little desire to spew off bible verses. So today will just be my view point, feel free to compare my words to what the scripture has to say on your own. God created us to choose Him, to choose to love Him. He created a bond between man and Himself that is based on love, trust, and faith. He says that the perfect depiction of what He desires with us is marriage. I am not appointed a husband. There is no one soul mate for me. Instead I choose whom I love, and I choose to become one flesh with another when I make covenant with them. A covenant is a binding act, it ties to the other person or God. He desires nothing more than that with us.

If you believe that God is in control, then His will would already have taken place. His will is this, on earth as it is in heaven. Is that true to this day? Is heaven here on earth? No. If so there would be perfect peace, no sickness, and no destruction. There is tension in the bible, two rights or two wrongs. But this I am sure of, that God does not toy with us. He did not create evil, however, he did create Satan who created evil. That may be said a bit harshly, but you get my gist. He is not control, yet desires for us to choose a life that is a constant pursuit of His heart. Just as a man pursues His beloved to make her his bride; God also purses us to make us His bride and we as His bride continue the pursuit whole heartedly. God is very clear that He wants us as His bride. Think literally, a bride is anxious, joyful, and excited always to see her beloved groom. I should know I was married only two weeks ago. We wait eagerly to please our husband, to be loved and cherished like no other by him. To be swept up in his strong arms and to have all our worries whisked away. In agape, or perfect love, there is no fear and therefore room to be vulnerable with Father God or our husband. It is a sweet love, and romance to be swept up in.

I am not afraid to come before His throne, to stand boldly. I come to Him and ask point blank what my heart is crying out for. I am vulnerable with Him, I allow myself to be sweetly taken into His covering. His love dissolves my fear, His love brings me peace in the storm. He is sovereign, because He as my kind sees what I need and fulfills it. He never once controls me, yet beckons me with His love.

I am not really sure where I am going with this, but I know that it is from my heart. What I am experiencing, what I need, want, and desire. To be in perfect love with Father. To be under His covering where I am safe. He provides all that I need, and I am satisfied in Him. Will you choose to move into a place with Him, where you encounter His perfect love? I hope so.